After watching an hour of the latest Disney movie, Starstruck, I seriously want to barf, punch the wall, growl like a gorilla, and then throw the TV down the Niagara Falls. Yeah, that 1 hour and 30 min was pure torture – filled with clichés, cheesy romance moments, shallowness, and most of all, barbie-like, spoiled mannequins .
EDIT: Warning, if you happen to like Disney and don’t like what I wrote, please don’t mind it and close this window, sorry for your inconvenience :)
Where to begin, where to begin…hm….Oh that’s right, the lame plot – as I mentioned in this post, DISNEY’s Starstruck included the basic elements of a Disney Fail Movie.Let’s list them down shall we?
1. Predictability- Check! Star meets girl when bumping into her and hit her forehead. They go on escape, gets car into mud water, somehow falls in love, he tells her that “us” have to end here and now….yatiyatiyata, he realizes a movie deal is not worth as much as the girl (REALLY?! I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT MOVIES DOESN’T > HUMANS :O), goes back, sings to her, they get together, and seriously, we’ve all seen this before.
2. Romance- Check check and check, and the most pathetic, cheesy and cliché showing of romance all crushed in a blender and stuff into one movie like stuffing into a turkey on thanksgiving morning. See, there are the movies that make teens everywhere either hypnotized into buying disney’s products, or emo.
3.Stupid Characters-OHHOHOHO, man does this movie have an abundance of these. About 85%, nay, 98% of the girls you see in the movie are pathetic, shallow, and speak like they have a nasal condition and/or think they are on top of the world and that the only thing that matters is popularity, their makeup and boyfriends. Rarely any girl in the world is really like that – not these days
Previous prediction of Starstruck: Starstruck- Although i haven’t seen this movie, It’s gonna be bad, it is gonna be soo bad that it’s good (credits to Kathy) A star just magically bumps into a girl that doesn’t fangirl over him and they start hanging out in Hollywood. DOUBLE BARF+ NOSEBLEED
Plot you ask? Yeah, there isn’t anything special that you haven’t seen a million times before in disney films, Camp Rock, High School Muscial. Let’s just say, the most entertaining thing in this movie was the credits.
Cast? Sterling Knight, this random girl I don’t know, other people, I don’t really care, they all act the same quality, which portrayed in this movie, is as flat as a sheet of paper. Mathematically, Bad Plot + bad acting = HORRIBLE MOVIE.
Another thing, Disney movies with unrealistic plots like this trick young girls into thinking that stuff like this actually happens in reality, they don’t and 99.9999% of chances are that they never will, boy/men/star minds will never do something as cheesy as that – in other words, chivalry is dead, since the medieval ages, there’s a reason Shakespeare wrote them so people can watch them in THEATRES and STAY THERE.
They should fire their screenplay writer, because I can come up with a better movie than that, it is just way overused.
Do you know why Disney make these movies all the time and never care what kind of brain damage they give to those people who actually know real entertainment? It’s because all they want to do is sell merchandise, build up their empire, make money, waste it, make more movies and celebrities, so they can control the entertainment industry even more so they can keep the cycle going. It’s like the bad face acne that never goes away, you try proactive, doesn’t work, you use soap, doesn’t work either, even when you get plastic surgery it still doesn’t work. Sorry, once you’ve got disney, it’s a fatal case, there’s no going back – either you hate it, love it, or haven’t watch it. So pick your side 🙂
Final Judgement: (LOL, just like Cardcaptor Sakura) I give this movie eight hundred rotten tomatoes out of 800 trillion dead flies on the ceiling, along with 659 buckets of vomit and whole lot of burnt light bulbs. The only reason EVER if I would buy this movie would be to feed it through a blender, crush it, hammer it, throw it down the Eiffel Tower, pick it up, feed it through a juicer, put it in a ziplock bag, step,spit and insult it, then flying to the Disney office and giving it to them.
Mood: Nasty, Hypocritical
Word of the Day: Croft (apparently it’s not in my dictionary, but it means a farm)
Doing: Cooking beans and rice in Tegucigalpa,Honduras